The internet is full of advice on how to teach your kids about money. From printable budgeting sheets to allowance calculators, parents are searching for tips and tricks to help their kids develop a positive relationship with finances. But making a real impact isn’t about telling your kids what to do, it’s showing them by modelling the behaviour and allowing them to create their own connections to money.

However, that’s easier said than done for many people because of their own negative feelings about money. How can you instil a positive attitude when the sheer mention of money fills you with guilt, shame or even fear?

Here are three things to start thinking about to make a real impact on creating a positive money conversation for both you and your kids!

Understand how you feel about money

The single best thing that you can do for your kids when it comes to facilitating a positive money conversation is to start with yourself. We all have a “money story” — a chronological timeline of events and messaging that we received to shape the way we feel about money.

This timeline really starts with your culture or heritage, and moves through every stage on your life. And each of these points on your timeline has influenced how you feel and how you talk about money right now. For most people, the overall messaging has been negative and communication has been discouraged. My view is that is one of the greatest opportunities we have to create positive change!

Working through your own money story and addressing the messages you received is a critical first step in breaking the cycle of negative money talk with your kids.

have an awareness of how you talk about money

Kids are smart — they hear the things you say and things that you don’t say. If you and your partner are having a heated discussion about the family finances, your kids are listening — even if they don’t really understand what you’re talking about, they’re picking up on the tone and negativity within that conversation.

And even if you’re making a conscious effort to keep the money conversation away from little ears, they still picked up on the stressful sigh when you opened last month’s credit card bill. Even letting them know that “we’ll get through this” can be a helpful way of keeping the money dialogue open as a family.

A tool I recommend is to ask yourself what 3 key messages are on money that you’d like to instil in your children. This helps form an awareness of the messaging you’re communicating with them from a positive place.

Include your children in the conversation

Many parents don’t feel they have a good financial foundation, and a lot of the time, that comes from the fact that they weren’t involved in any financial talks until it was time for them to take on the responsibility themselves.

Be aware of how you express your emotions with your kids, but don’t hide the conversation from them. Find ways to get them involved so it’s not some “off limits” topic. When we’re raised to feel like we can’t talk about money with the people around us, it can become something that’s shameful and meant to be hidden. Opening the dialogue is one of the most helpful tools there is.

Creating a foundation of communication for your kids will equip them with the ability to have open conversations with future roommates, partners, financial advisors and more!